I need some friendly advice.?

I've been working on a story, just with some extra time i've had.


This is what i have so far:





The wind blew softly against the trees, which were full of dew and drops of rain from the night.


On top of the great canopy sat a large monkey, with dark brown fur and white markings on his mane.


His name was Marfoon.


He was the alpha male of the clan of monkeys that lived in this forest.


He grunted quietly to himself as he inspected his territory, for any off signs.


Everything was clear so far.


He climbed off of the branch on which he sat upon and made his way to the forest floor where he met up with the two, wide-awake, tumbly twins.


Meko and Zeke.


After a quick grunt and a show of teeth did the twins stop their foolish play and let Marfoon make his way through.


He soon stopped before a large boulder and bent down, lapping up some water from a small puddle.





Its about a clan of macaque monkeys.


And if you think i could do some revising, i would love to get some opinion.


Thanks very much.





I need some friendly advice.?
I think it is an interesting idea for a story - now stop asking this group for advice and find an online writing group where you can get some real advice on writing. My experience is that there are a lot of haters on YA! who like nothing better than to insult earnest efforts with nasty critiques.








Start here:


http://www.thewriterssite.com/direct_pag鈥?/a>I need some friendly advice.?
So far I think it's a really great story but maybe the monkey shouldn't be large maybe it should be small or medium sized because smaller it is the cuter but other ten that I think it's great.